Empty Calories
And a craving for substance
It’s that bizarre week between Christmas and New Year where I’m violently ingesting calories at a startling rate, while our dying Fraser Fir in the living room watches me polish off yet another bottle of Pét-Nat. Society as a whole may be collapsing (which it apparently is), but I tell myself “I’ll deal with it in the new year” as I open a new tin of edibles. The pressure to go anywhere or do anything is instead replaced with utter gluttony for watching Korean grandmothers make Kimchi on TikTok. Needless to say, I’ve spent the majority of that time ConsumingContentOnline™️. This probably doesn’t come as a shock, but the constant binging of short-form digital gibberish has been objectively bad for my mental health.
Such behavior isn’t new. I’ve numbed myself from emotions and thoughts with my digital slot machine (iPhone) for years, hoping that one more hit of that sweet sweet dopamine will finally make all of my bad feelings turn into good ones! Like many, I’ve opened my arms wide and embraced a culture of mindless online consumption, and now I’m left with an expansive inner void. If you’re reading this, maybe you feel the same way. Maybe TikTok distracts you for a moment, but just like the bottom of an empty bag of chips: you’re still hungry yet full of regret.
A Year to Forget
Last New Year’s Eve I was fresh out of the ER for Covid related symptoms. It was one of the lowest moments of my life, with only the small comfort of a LOTR marathon (extended edition, obv) and the support of my partner. 2022 continued to be an unrelenting fucker, challenging myself and my loved ones both physically and mentally.
Throughout all the bullshit, there were still moments of joy and growth. My sister got married, I moved to LA with my incredible partner, landed a really good job, designed a font, started therapy, made new friends, etc. I’m missing a lot, but you get the idea. It’s easy to marinate on the bad but I’m trying to be optimistic and celebrate the wins. I’m alive and grateful for the chance to experience the human condition in all its pain and glory.
Don’t Bring That Shit in 2023, 2022!
Much like the end of every year, I make statements like this to myself. Although realistically, that resolution never gets resolved, and I continue with patterns of learned behaviors, repeated year-over-year, day after day. But I suspect a shift occurring: a personal and societal shift. People (i.e., Me) are sick of the algorithmically curated playlist. No, we’re not fucking watching anymore, Netflix! We’ve got to protect our peace of mind. “We’ve reached the tipping point!” I whisper enthusiastically to myself in a coffee shop full of millennials on their laptops and smartphones (myself included). Elon Musk’s shitty version of Twitter paved the way for the rise in Substack and the resurgence of the email newsletter. Teens forgoing their smartphones. There is a light! People are craving substance, something deeper; just maybe not in this coffee shop.
As to Why I’m Here
I’m hoping to bring more creativity, humanity, and substance into my daily internet life and this is the medium I’ve chosen to help drive that change. The goal is less consumption of all these digital empty calories and more creating and sharing things of significance that I love and deeply resonate with. I hope that in doing so, maybe you’ll get a better look into what makes me, “me”: what I’m inspired by, and what influences my perspective on what it means to be alive and human.
There’s a certain vulnerability that comes along with putting myself out here like this, let alone in a format that I’m totally new to (writing). But, if you want to get good at something, you’ve got to be okay with sucking at it for a while, so bear with me. I hope some of you find value in whatever this ends up becoming, but honestly, I’m writing this for me. I don’t need likes, shares, or engagement — just a space to create.
On that note, I’ve put together a list of things I love that inspired me this year. I know, “Awesome, another year-end list”. Whatever. Sue me. I like them. Here’s to a better year in 2023, ya’ll.
Reading
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
This book helped change the way I perceive consciousness for the better. The present moment is all there is.
Dilla Time: The Life and Afterlife of J Dilla, the Hip-Hop Producer Who Reinvented Rhythm
Dan Charnas details how J Dilla fundamentally defined a generation of music by adding humanity and soul into music production.
Widely recommended and totally lived up to the hype. Original, moving, sorrowful, beautiful.
This tweet about a YouTube comment left on the "Inherent Vice" trailer
My humor is broken.
How to Drink Wine: The Easiest Way to Learn What You Like
I like wine and wanted to learn more about it, so I read this book and learned a little more. Wine always seemed like an elitist, bougie thing to be into so I was hesitant to dive in, but this book speaks to the sweet nectar in layman's terms. I buy entirely too much wine now.
Listening
The Yussef Dayes Experience - Live At Joshua Tree
He really doesn’t miss. Everything Yussef releases is good. So much great jazz has been coming out of the UK these past few years.
The chaotic, raw beauty of this live performance gives me chills each time I listen.
This song stands out on an excellent album. Haunting harmonies mixed with that vibey-ass-bass. 10/10
Cheat Codes - Black Thought and Danger Mouse
Danger Mouse remains on top of his game while Black Thought propels his way up the list of greatest rappers of all time (currently #3 on my list). This album has everything you’d expect from a project by these two. Black Thought floating over the hazy, soulful beats, hitting his stride “Saltwater”.
Taylor McFerrnin - Early Riser
This album is over 8 years old and I still love it like it’s my first time listening. A sonic masterpiece, culminating in “Already There” at around 1:05.
Four Tet | Boiler Room: Streaming From Isolation
In a lot of ways, I felt more isolated from people this year than I had during the height of the pandemic. This set from Four Tet reminded me that throughout pain and hardship to keep creating.
Bon Iver - Skinny Love (Later.. with Jools Holland)
On some sad boy shit, I’d pay unreasonable amounts of money to be in that audience. That guttural scream at 3:40 good lawd.
Probably the greatest jazz record of all time. I’ll listen to this album for the rest of my life and never get sick of it.
A severely underrated and great composition. Looking forward to more from this dude.
I love the trajectory that Kenny’s on right now. Pushing boundaries in music production with each release. Louie was one of my favorite albums of the year.
Watching
Everything Everywhere All At Once
I usually struggle to answer the question of what my favorite movie is when asked. This is it. This is my favorite movie, and it’s not close.
Hot take: this is Tom Cruise’s best film. Hard to ask for anything more out of an action movie.
In the era of homogenous superhero movies, the MCU, and every unoriginal franchise reboot; thank god Jordan Peele is making movies.
This scene from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Inspired by the film “Soy Cuba”. This is my favorite scene from the series. Atmosphere, music, and dialog. 🤌.
The final and best season. I would watch an entire spinoff series about Darius in Amsterdam.
The Postal Service Zoom Auditions - Tim Robinson
It was either this or Qualstarr Trial sketch, this one is top of mind right now.
From plot, set design, branding, and cinematography - Severance was really fucking good.
Last Call
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
Robert Frost